Tim's Cogitorium

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Archive for the ‘Slice of Life’ category

The Anti-Mikey

October 23rd, 2010

Mikey - Life Cereal's Poster Boy

For the second time in 24 hours, someone has offered me food from their freezer. While perhaps a bit odd in its own right, it pales next to the common sales pitch offered for the edibles. Both people were thinking that perhaps I’d eat it as no one who lived there would. Yet they couldn’t see throwing perfectly good food away.

This says something about me. But I’m thinking not something particularly good. I’ve never really been a fussy eater, but somewhere along the line I became one notch up from the food disposal. It seems there is a spectrum at which Life cereal’s Mikey is at one end, and I’m at the other. He hates everything… me apparently… not so much.

I guess everybody needs to be known for something. I just always imagined my legacy to be a wee bit more interesting.

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Posted in Slice of Life

I will never be this lonely…

October 6th, 2010

With any luck, I should hope to never again be in a position of looking for a new romantic interest. But you never know when George Clooney’s going to pull up with a pair of backstage Toby Keith tickets and steal Kim clean away from me.

However, should that ever come to pass, rest assured I will die old and alone before I ever give “Weed Dating” a whirl. Apparently, a farm in Vermont has come up with a way to keep its fields in order while still making the farm hands feel like they have a social life.

The deal is that you show up and weed in a cultivated row with a prospective date. After assessing whether she knows a bean sprout from a clover, you move on to the next row where the next babe in coveralls with muddy knees awaits you. Once the field is finished, you’re free to hook up with the girl of your choice and scoot your collectively stinky selves off to the local diner for some pancakes, or head home to shower and come back next week.

Caitlin Gildrien, outreach coordinator for the participating farms says there have yet to be any romantic connections among the weeders. Color me stunned.

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Posted in Just for Fun, Slice of Life, XX - XY

The perils of popularity

September 20th, 2010

In our ongoing series of scientific studies proving the obvious, comes news that popular people get sick first. Duh.

What may be slightly less obvious is that health agencies might benefit from identifying and monitoring these social butterflies. After all, they are like the proverbial canaries in the coal mine. If some epidemic is going to run through a community, these soldiers can be expected to step up and take one for the team.

Those of us more socially challenged individuals may also take solace in our relative good health. Sure, we may not get invited to any of the cool parties or get mobbed with hugs when we walk into a room. But when all you Paris Hilton wanna-bees are on your deathbed, we’ll be hale as a horse, ensconced in our geeky dens full of Fritos and flat screens.

Remember: there’s an upside to everything if you squint hard enough and tilt your head just right.

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Posted in Geeky Pursuits, Just for Fun, Slice of Life

A new day dawns

August 10th, 2010

I’m starting off on a new writing adventure. I’m now going to be writing as the Rochester Independent Political Examiner for the examiner.com news site. Examiner is a news site in its own right, but more importantly is a feed site for many other news outlets and aggregators. The hope is that this will expose me to a wider audience. Not that I don’t love and value the audience I have… just think of it more like I’m out looking for new friends for you.

More importantly, this gives me a paid writing gig to put on my resume. Not that I expect to make much money, just that I want to be able to claim I’m being paid. Which brings me to another important point. The pay and the rankings of the articles I write are heavily influenced by reader traffic and subscriptions. So it would really help prime the pump if my readers here went and clicked around a bit there.

“But,” I can hear you asking, “where is there?” Well, this is a link to my page at Examiner. There is an RSS feed and lots of sharing options so if you’re of a mind to share article links or subscribe, all the better. Fair warning though, I seeded the site with some of the posts already shared on this blog, so anything dated Aug 10th should be old news for you.

For your convenience going forward, links to my new Examiner posts will be pushed to my Twitter and Facebook feeds. So if you’re following either of those now, you’ll be aware of new articles. As for this blog, while most of the “Politics” category will now be published on Examiner, I will continue to post other content here that isn’t appropriate for that venue.

Finally, a plea about comments. Facebook often generates the most comments on my posts. I don’t want to discourage that, especially for comments with a personal slant. But for topical comments, it would be great if you posted them directly to the Examiner articles. I’m hopeful we’ll generate some good discussion over there, and I’d love you all to be a part of that.

I do want to thank those of you who have provided support and encouragement for my writing. I’m not sure where this is going yet, and it’s just a baby step. But it’s a start.

Stay tuned…

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Posted in Slice of Life

Is Cheerleading a Sport?

July 23rd, 2010

A US judge in Connecticut says no, cheerleading is not a sport, at least under Title IX. As a consequence, he’s ruled Quinnipiac University can’t drop its girls volleyball team because the competitive cheer team doesn’t count as an alternative.

It’s worth noting the ruling seems to be more on the organization of cheerleading than the team or the activity. An activity can be considered a sport under Title IX if it meets specific criteria. It must have coaches, practices, competitions during a defined season and a governing organization. The activity also must have competition as its primary goal. In this case, it seems the lack of a governing organization and a defined season schedule were mostly to blame.

Still, cheerleading is left in an odd position. No sane person could argue that today’s cheerleaders are not athletes and do not train hard. The physical exertion, the injuries, the demanding coaches, and the long hours in the gym are on par with any other sport. Further, anyone who’s ever been to a cheer competition, could not remotely claim this is not a competitive activity. And if you think the kids are motivated, you should see how rabid the fans are.

I personally believe that the biggest detriment to cheerleading being accepted as a sport is its legacy. It was historically a sideline activity for another sport. And vestiges of that remain today. School cheer teams are often required to still adorn the sidelines of games. And in many cases, the cheerleaders consider this a nuisance that distracts them from their real focus and their real passion, the competitions. It seems that cheerleading would be way better off if it renamed itself to something like Synchronized Gymnastics and left all the sideline activities and the school spirit behind.

Competition cheerleading is part dance and part choreographed aerobics all blended with a healthy dose of tumbling. Yes, it’s a judged sport, but so is gymnastics. And like gymnastics, there are standards and required moves. Yes, there’s a ridiculous amount of attention on hair and makeup, but synchronized swimming and ice skating have similar aesthetic requirements.

There is only one truly unique aspect to cheerleaders. Something I don’t think any name change or official recognition will ever make different. It’s something I call autophotoassemblage. If you are in the vicinity of a group of cheerleaders and give any indication you are inclined to take a picture of them, they will magically self-arrange into a group pose and turn on a smile. Even just removing the lens cap from your camera is often enough. You never have to pose them. Sometimes they’ll fuss with a few positions before the shot settles, but you just need to wait with your camera until everyone is still. Click. It’s a great picture. In fact, I don’t think it’s even possible to take a bad picture of cheerleaders.

While I don’t think autophotoassemblage should in any way inhibit cheerleading from being recognized as a sport, it remains one of the great mysteries of the universe.

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Posted in Politics, Slice of Life

Praying for Atheists

July 19th, 2010

Christopher Hitchens, one of the so-called Four Horseman of the new atheists, has esophageal cancer. Should you pray for him? The Rev. Robert Barron thinks so, yet countless atheists and theists alike are having a fit about it.

Let me start with the disclaimer that while I do wish Hitchens well in his treatment and recovery, even though I’m also an atheist, I’m not a fan. ‘The Four Horsemen’ – Dawkins, Dennett, Harris, Hitchens (video) preach what is now being referred to as “new atheism”. I would characterize it more properly as antitheism rather than atheism as they don’t simply lack a belief in God, they are advocating against it. Something I cannot support at all. Further, I believe in large part they give the lot of us a bad name.

However, I do have a perspective on the dilemma of praying for atheists as I went through this myself. A few years back I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. It was benign and wasn’t as scary as cancer, but it was scary enough. Scary enough that a few of my Christian friends wondered if this event would lead me back to God. I thought the notion was naive, but not too surprising given the popular saying that there are no atheists in foxholes. The premise being that when facing death, one always finds comfort in religion. Although, I think most people, including myself, who have made rational and considered choices to be atheists have long since considered the realities of death and its inherent lack of an afterlife. I’m quite at peace with that. In fact, I’m actually comforted by the finality of death. I’m in no hurry mind you. But when I get to that end, I’m okay with it actually being an end.

The other interesting question I got, both directly and indirectly, was whether or not it would be okay to pray for me. It was interesting and even considerate for people to ask. At the time, I couldn’t see how this could possibly offend me, but based on some of the reactions to Hitchens’ situation, apparently some people really get their shorts in a bunch over this.

I’ve thought about this notion of prayer directed at non-believers from both my perspective and the perspective of the theist, and I’m still perplexed about how there is a downside for anyone. As an atheist, I don’t believe someone’s prayers are actually influencing my health. However, the fact that people care enough to exert that effort is touching. It means they care about me, and that is a healthy thought for anyone. On the flip side, the theist believes they are actually making a difference. They have a feeling of contributing to my health. That’s a healthy thing for them. And if their God should really exist and opt to intervene, all the better for both of us!

If there’s a downside here it’s not remotely apparent. So follow your heart. Do what feels right. If you’re a theist, pray for whom you wish. If you’re an atheist, be grateful people care. Above all, remember that whether you believe in another life or not, this one is all too short.

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Posted in Religion, Slice of Life

I’m Thin! …or not

July 13th, 2010

The journal Pediatrics announced (via CNN) that the BMI measurement is maybe not so accurate, and suggests you measure your neck instead. Eh?

On the one hand, I thought this was great news as I’ve always found the BMI a bit depressing. BMI calculators always peg me as just a couple of points into the “Overweight” category. But like most men I’m able to rationalize my weight as being right where it should be. Especially if I’m about to go out for chicken wings. Further, the article says the trouble with BMI is, “it deems athletes or muscular people to be obese and underestimates body fat in older people.” I’m not “older people” yet, so I must be athletic or muscular. Cool.

And now this neck thing is poised to validate my svelte rationalization. Let’s check the table:

Based on age, a neck of this circumference or larger could indicate overweight or obesity, researchers say:
Boys
Age 6: 11.2 inches
Age 10: 12.6 inches
Age: 14: 14.2 inches
Age 18: 15.4 inches
Girls
Age 6: 10.6 inches
Age 10: 12 inches
Age 14: 12.6 inches
Age 18: 13.6 inches

Source: Pediatrics

Okay, so I dig out a tape and measure my neck and… crap! I’m a solid half-inch overweight. ARRRGHHHH!!! Oh wait… muscular people have bigger necks. That must be it. Yes, I just have a sinewy neck. Of course. Well now that I’ve got that all worked out, maybe I should fire up the grill and make a double bacon cheeseburger. Yum!

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Posted in Mad Science, Slice of Life, XX - XY

Car Tech

July 8th, 2010

Ahhhhh… back from my break. And there’s nothing like a long stay at the lake to get you back to your roots. That is, your auto mechanic roots… specifically when the boat won’t start. You always feel good when you’re at the boat ramp, with the trailer dunked deep in the water, and you twist the key and hear… nothing. Crap.

This was the first boat dunking of the year, and it turned out that somewhere over the long winter the power to the ignition was lost. Likely a critter in the barn who chewed a wire in the harness somewhere. Not a big deal, but a pain when everybody wants to go out on the water. Not to fear, we had the full squad on the job: Grandpa, me, and both of my boys. Tools and meters were flying. It didn’t take too long to diagnose the problem, but we spent way too long looking for where we were losing power. Unfortunately, the path the wires take from the motor to the console is not readily accessible.

Finally, I suggested that since we don’t have power in the ignition, but we do have power other places in the console, we just patch power in where it’s supposed to be. The boys listened intently while Grandpa and I talked it through and agreed it was a reasonable fix. Grandpa headed back to the barn for some supplies, and my youngest proceeded to explain why he thought this was a good solution as well. His rationale quickly faded from a restating of the plan to listing the technical resumes of his grandfather and I, and that if we thought it was a good idea, then he thinks it’ll probably work as well. It was cute, but I’m still not sure who he was selling the pitch to as it was just his brother and I there. Anyway, it worked, so I guess he was right. And we were all on the water well before dinnertime.

In somewhat related news, the Senate voted in favor of a bill affirming that consumers should have more choice in where to have their cars repaired. This is a big deal for independent repair shops and shade-tree mechanics alike. If signed into law, it would require manufacturers to sell diagnostic data and tools to anyone at the same price they charge their dealers. This is noteworthy on two counts. First, it is a boon to consumers who are currently locked in to having certain repairs done by the dealer because no one else has the tech to work on their cars. But almost as significant is that this was a pro-consumer move by the Senate which is decidedly not in the interest of big business. Granted, it’s not like they stood up to an oil company, but it’s a start.

Then in the TMI category comes the Audi Cam. This is a well intentioned but misguided attempt to take the anxiety out of car repair. Audi mechanics in Germany will start wearing helmet cams allowing customers to view and hear their car repair in real time from the mechanic’s point of view. Now maybe German auto-techs are a different breed than their American counterparts, but I’ve worked in this business, and I don’t think customers should have a audio feed unless there’s a guy somewhere manning the censor button on a 7-second delay. Further, while viewing the process might be informative to customers who know their way around a car, most will have no idea what they are watching. I can envision the check-out process now taking forever as customers ask about that thingy they saw you remove and hook that other thingy with the wires to when the meter went boing-de-boing. I feel for the techs. It makes me glad the only ones I have to explain my fix-it actions to anymore are my kids.

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Posted in Geeky Pursuits, Politics, Slice of Life

The End of an Era

June 27th, 2010

I’m sure you’ve all been keeping track, but the last day when I didn’t publish at least one thing on this blog was November 18th, 2008. This is fair warning that more such days are coming.

From the blog’s inception in March ’03 up to November ’08, blog posts were very sporadic, with some weeks having lots and others almost none. This push for a daily blurb was initially a personal challenge to see if I could simply write more often and more consistently than I had been. I wanted to see if I could write because I had to and not just because I felt like it. It turns out I can, but I’ve also learned that I can rationalize that writing a one line quip and posting an embedded YouTube video can be rationalized as “writing” if you squint real hard.

Anyway, blogging will be very light until after the holiday (unless it rains a lot). I just need some time to recharge my batteries. After that, I’m still going to try and write something substantive several days a week on average, but it will be a much more casual schedule than it has been. Primarily because I’m intending that future one liners or things that are basically reposts will be done primarily via Twitter or Facebook. So if you want the full experience, you’ll need to follow me on one of those as well. They are basically the same content, so one is plenty. Note that the Twitter feed is viewable/accessible at the top of the column to the right as well. And it’s public, so you can pick that up as an RSS feed (if you’re into that sort of thing) and get my blogs and Tweets in one place.

Additionally, I want to take this opportunity to thank my regular readers. Many of you have been with me for years, and I hope you’ll stick around for many more. I do try to keep the content interesting, entertaining, or at least a worthwhile diversion in your otherwise busy day. I hope you continue to find it so. Your feedback or comments are always welcome and appreciated.

See you on the other side…

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Posted in Slice of Life

Father & Son Projects

June 20th, 2010

It’s Father’s Day, so happy day to all you dads out there. And nothing says Father’s Day like time spent with your son. And some father & son teams do it a little better than others. Take for example this guy, who worked with his dad to build a Stargate in his backyard.

Granted, it’s all plywood and paint and a little Photoshop effect to get the puddle, but the inner ring really turns and the symbols are all hand carved. Give this team a little Naqahdah and we’ll be traveling the galaxy by Tuesday.

My dad never helped me build an inter-dimensional transport device. Okay sure, he helped me pretty much build a car when I was a teen, and he taught me all kinds of trade skills and stuff, but I never got a Stargate. Wah!

Thanks Dad. No, seriously… thank you.

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Posted in Geeky Pursuits, Slice of Life

Heel Girl

June 18th, 2010

Does your daughter have everything she needs to prepare for her impending womanhood? Chyna Whyne doesn’t think so.

In just six weeks, she’ll teach your teen to walk in high heels. Only six weeks! Although it seems to me it should be 10, one week for each toe.

I admit there must be some skill required to navigate the world in heels. I always get a kick out of the girls at my sons’ high school awards ceremony walking on their toes as they shuffle across the stage. But does this really deserve a course?

As if the premise wasn’t goofy enough to start with, the course also offers to teach girls how to shop for shoes. I think that’s conclusive proof this is a scam. Like any girl needs to be taught to shop for shoes.

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Posted in Just for Fun, Slice of Life, XX - XY

Sports Bling

June 17th, 2010

As Kim pointed out recently, she’s turned me into a temporary sports fan of sorts. With Game 7 of the NBA finals on tonight, I think I should be all set until next year. And then I’ll only be resurrected if the Celtics make the playoffs. But before I depart my fleeting fandom, I have a question that’s been gnawing at me. Okay, maybe not “gnawing” exactly, but it does cross my mind now and again while watching the games.

Why do sportscasters wear those big honkin’ headsets? And they not only wear them during the game, but while on the set for the halftime show. Is this some sort of fashion statement? I mean sure, the crowds are loud and they need to be able to get noise cancellation as well as a clear audio signal from the control booth. But don’t musicians face a similar problem? And they get by with those cute little earwigs.

And yes, they need a good microphone to capture their snappy commentary while still allowing them to jump out of their seats, but again, didn’t Garth Brooks solve that problem 20 years ago?

The football coaches and sportscasters wear even bigger units, but I always assumed that was in part just to keep their ears warm while playing in Green Bay. I don’t think the Staples Center has that issue.

If someone might enlighten me, then I can go back to ignoring ESPN in peace.

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Posted in Slice of Life

Who’s Your Honey?

June 1st, 2010

Why can Flo get away with calling you “Honey” at Mel’s diner while Vera can’t? This question has gnawed at me for years as I’ve encountered a number of women, mostly in service positions such as waitresses, who freely toss about the term of endearment toward patrons.

For the most part, the women who use it do so casually, disarmingly, and endearingly. But every so often you find a woman who makes you uncomfortable when using it.

Years ago I worked at a facility where several of the women in the cafeteria tossed “Honey” about. However, one young girl who worked as a cashier never sounded right using the term. I thought at the time it was simply because she was so much younger than me, and that only women older than me could use it comfortably.

Then last week, a waitress at the local diner was calling us each Honey and it seemed perfectly natural. Yet when I stopped to think about it, she was probably my age. So maybe it’s really not an age thing. So what’s the deal?

I’m thinking now that it’s more of a motherly thing. The woman doesn’t need to remind you of your mother, she just has to conduct herself with that motherly demeanor. She’s there to serve and to help, but keep in mind you’re at her table, so mind your manners. You be nice and she’ll take good care of you. It’s almost more of an attitude or an air about the person. If she can pull that off, she can call you “Honey”.

Heck, if she can pull that off, she can call you anything because she instills that feeling you should sit up straight and say “Yes, Ma’am.” And somehow for me, that kind of makes the whole diner experience.

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Posted in Just for Fun, Slice of Life

My Son’s Immortal

May 29th, 2010

I thought he was just a slob, but apparently my son Doug has exceptional instincts about his health. A Kingston University study discovered that leaving your bed in a heap of sheets and blankets may actually lead to fewer bed bugs, and a healthier sleeper.

It seems the dust mites don’t fare well in dry environments, and leaving your bed open serves to let more of the moisture it accumulates off your body during the night into the room. Drier mattresses mean fewer critters. And fewer critters mean fewer allergies and other mite related health issues.

The study also notes that if there’s a lot of humidity in your home, that it won’t really matter. Living in this area, I think that means that while junior may get a pass on bed making during the winter, there’s no reason the bunk shouldn’t be crisp and neat through the sultry summer months.

Yeah right… like that’s gonna happen.

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Posted in Just for Fun, Mad Science, Slice of Life

Father’s Day Is Coming

May 21st, 2010

And nothing says, “You’re the greatest!” like a planned coronary. So don’t delay. Enter now to win your dad $5000 and a year’s supply of bacon, courtesy of Oscar Meyer.

And when I say “your dad” I’m speaking not only generally to the readers, but specifically to my kids. Come on, entry is through Facebook and only involves writing a 50 word statement about why I deserve this and why I love bacon. This is barely a typical homework assignment. And besides, you know I never eat bacon alone, so there’s an upside for you too.

After all, as the entry page says,

Like bacon at breakfast, Dads are an essential ingredient of the family.

Meaning we are something to look forward to, multi-purpose, irresistible, crunchy, possessing a bit to much fat around the edges, flammable, and ultimately a bad influence on you. Okay, maybe I should have quit while I was ahead. But you get the idea! Now get moving!