Nicholsclan.com : a dimension of mind...

Are You Eligible to Vote?

Click the graphic below to take this test and see if you are educated enough to vote. In my humble opinion, this is pretty darn easy, but looking at the scoreboard, a frightening number of people are flunking. One out of three!! (At least when this was posted. The graphic should update with current results.)



I will confess that I missed one name though.

Trick or Treat

Well there goes the neighborhood. I got egged last night. Right on the front door. And if you think dried yolk is hard to get off 3-day old dishes in the dishwasher, you should try to remove it from window screen. What's worse is I suddenly felt like the crotchety old man on the street; wishing I was home for the event so that I could have stood in the front yard yelling at the fleeing miscreants and muttering about "those damned kids!". I hope they get salmonella. Then the yolk would be on them.

Knock, Knock

"Who's there?"

"Armageddon"

"Armageddon who?"

"Armageddon pretty fed up with all the talk of Armageddon."

In a recent Newsweek poll, 55% of Americans believe that Christ's followers will be swept up into Heaven at the rapture. 17% believe this will happen in their lifetimes. That's 1 in every 6 people who believe they will see the end of the world. Given that "only" 85% of Americans identify themselves as Christians, that's 1 in 5 Christians who are actively expecting the rapture.

On the one hand, this may seem harmless. Excluding the occasional suicide cult, people have been harmlessly proclaiming the end is near since Darby started the dispensationalism craze in the early 19th century. But I believe the prevalence of the dispensationalist sub-culture in America is beginning to have an impact on the rest of us in terms of our political strategies and priorities. 17% is a significant bloc of votes. In this case, this is 17% of the population who are arguably unconcerned with the future. National debt, trade imbalance, social security, environmental conservation... these are clearly not concerns of those awaiting imminent rapture. Let's face it, if the doctor told you yesterday you had 6 months to live, would you have come in to work today? Many of the policies of the current government fit nicely into the "don't worry about the future" mentality. Is this simple shortsightedness? In part, yes. But I think this vector also dovetails into the evangelical message.

I also think that the literal belief in biblical mythology is in part responsible for the rise of anti-intellectualism in this country. 63% of Americans believe the bible is literally true. This means that despite all the centuries of scientific discoveries to the contrary, a solid majority of Americans prefer the Garden of Eden and Noah's Ark as historical fact. Is it any wonder that the U.S. is trailing much of the industrialized world in science and math scores? Those disciplines require objective and rational minds. Minds willing to always ask, Why? This is completely antithetical to the "bible as fact" dogma. There is irony in that the literalists certainly enjoy the fruits of the science and technology developed over the last few hundred years. Yet none of it would exist without the passion of those individuals who question the world.

Now don't misunderstand. I'm not saying all scientists have to be atheists. But I am saying that bible literalism and intellectualism do not mix. The closed mind that is willing to blindly accept fantastical stories of water walking, fish multiplying, and sea dividing is unable to formulate the questions necessary to even aspire to being an intellectual in any capacity. Further, these same people who would argue to the death that Lot's wife became an actual pillar of salt will generally dismiss as silly the stories of Prometheus, White Buffalo Woman, or the 50 virgins awaiting Muslim martyrs in Heaven. Are those stories that much more unbelievable? Certainly not from a rational point of view.

What's more interesting is these same people are desperately ignorant of their own faiths. Only 40% of Americans can name more than 4 of the 10 Commandments. Only half can identify any of the 4 authors of the Gospels. 12% think Joan of Arc was Noah's wife. If that wasn't bad enough, 75% believe the bible teaches, "God helps those who help themselves." Sorry, Ben Franklin gets the credit for that one. Ironically, Ben was not a bible literalist and was arguably only a Christian by the most liberal of definitions.

A final thought for the bible literalists. Since everything in the bible is true and is the direct word of God, I assume you are comfortable with all the implications of that. This should include Deuteronomy 22:20 where the bible commands that if a man finds his wife is not a virgin on their wedding night, that he should take her to her father's doorstep and stone her to death. I somehow suspect that even the most evangelical parents would take exception to finding their daughter stoned to death on their doorstep. But there it is, the word of God. And should you find you can't quite stomach that gory vision, I would ask you to explain how you come to decide which parts of the bible are to be taken literally, and which are subject to interpretation. After all, Deuteronomy is a pretty straight forward rule book. While you can argue that the story of healing lepers is apocryphal, Deuteronomy is pretty in-your-face. By the way, it also commands that you should make tassels for the four corners of the clothing you wear and also construct a guard rail around the edge of your home's roof so that you are not culpable for anyone falling off. Feeling guilty yet?

So I contend that even the most fervent of bible literalists do not actually live their lives strictly by the Book. Should they begin to do that, or worse yet, should the literalist trend spread even further, that would be a sign of Armageddon.

Behold the Power of Math

For those who hate math, consider that University of Central Florida physics professor Costas Efthimiou used it to prove that Vampires can't exist. In other words, not only does math not suck, nothing else does either.

Digital Swiss Army Knife

This is my 1st post from my new toy. After literally years of rationalization, I finally bought a Palm 700p. I can't begin to explain how cool this is. It does email, wireless web, calendaring, contact list, paging, notes, games, it's an mp3 player, a camera, and it's even a phone!

Damn, this is better than beer...

UPDATE: it also works as birth control!

Asahi Beer Dispensing Machine

Those Japanese are so darn clever.

Nuc-u-lar Football

The Department of Homeland Security has issued a TERROR THREAT WARNING that seven NFL Team Stadiums may be attacked by dirty bombs this weekend. While the threat is widely deemed not credible, it is important that patriotic citizens be aware that a grave radiological whuppin' may be coming down on them. Not that it's at all likely, but should such a device be detonated, thousands could be killed and tens of thousands more could suffer hideous mutations and long slow painful deaths. Not that you should be concerned. This was just a posting on some website that also offered links to pictures of Madonna's new little bundle of joy and asserted that John Bolton looked disturbingly similar to Captain Kangaroo. However, the website did correctly determine which seven teams were playing at home this week, and since it is common knowledge that only Democrats know less about football than radical Muslims, clearly someone did their homework here. Still, in the name of freedom and democracy, you just can't be too careful. So show 'em your not scared of leaving your family with generations of genetic damage from radiation exposure and get out there and support your football team. Dammit.

By the way, elections are only 20 days away. Remember who it was that kept your sacred Sunday teams safe when you go in to pull that lever.

It's a Guy Thing

While admitting I have no idea what I'd use this for, I need one.

Outsourcing Has Reached Its Limit

Apparently we can now outsource our creepy pop star's music videos. This should reduce MTV's costs substantially. See if you can tell the difference between this Bollywood version of Thriller and Jacko's original.

One Step Closer to Death

I am now officially bespectacled, which is a Latin word meaning "old". To add insult to the injury, my frames are labeled "brown/grey". At first, that seemed a really odd color combination. That is, until someone pointed out that these were the colors of my head.

On the plus side, my arms are now about 14" longer than they used to be. This should come in handy. Although when considered along with the hair sprouting from my back and ears it may also be an indication that I'm de-evolving into some sort of simian. But I suppose I won't worry about that as long as I'm still disgusted by the smell of bananas.

IGA - I Gotta Ask...

The history of grocery stores in our quiet little town has been one full of fits and starts ever since the mondo-mega-super-store concept took hold in that market 20 years ago. We used to have a Star Market, which sold out to Bells, which went bankrupt because too many people shopped at Wegmans and Tops. And for years we had this big empty grocery store wanna-be building sitting vacant in the middle of the village.

Then along came IGA who reopened the store some 5 or 6 years ago. The village people were grateful and promised to do business there just so we could keep a store in town. Once you've been spoiled by living under 2 miles from a grocery store, you just don't want to give that up. And all was grand, until a few months ago.

IGA began a "remodeling" project. Suddenly things were moved into new places, shelves were reorganized, and customers were assured that this was all to bring us something new and better. Okay, we'll be patient. Besides, it was kind of a community bonding thing. Suddenly all us shoppers who would previously wander the isles in silence, pretending the other shoppers were invisible as if this were a 15,000 sq. ft. elevator, were chatting amongst ourselves.

"Hey, did you see the Jelly?"

"I think it was on isle 2 between the lightbulbs and the pasta."

But this was over 2 months ago, and shelf reorganization has given way to shelf vacancy and 30% off inventory reduction sales. They are still restocking products as there is fresh produce, meat, and bread. But the choices are more limited than the typical convenience store. Worse for me is that they have stopped stocking bagels and toaster waffles altogether. This is all that fuels my kids in the morning. So as much as I want to try and keep this store in business, I'm forced into Wegmans once a week to restock kid-carbs so they can have breakfast.

I've asked several employees what the deal is. Are they actually remodeling or are they just trying to set the Guinness Record for going out of business the slowest? But no one is talking. The company line is that the company has told them nothing - which seems unlikely. But why the secrecy? If they tanked, they tanked. We may turn on the adulterous villagers who were rendezvousing with Wegmans, but we wouldn't turn on IGA. At this point, there has been no visible sign of progress on "remodeling" in a couple of weeks. The store looks increasingly empty. There's more than enough vacant space to reorganize any way they like. Even if this did start out as a remodeling project, it would seem it's ending as a going-out-of-business sale.

It's sad really. We've lost the hardware store, the grocery store, the paint & wallpaper store, even the fire hall burned down. Pretty much any place that sells stuff, is gone. Sure, there are some specialty craft places. But the town mostly consists of 2 coffee shops, a handful of bars, a video store, an insurance agent, and 167 pizza places. Hmmmm...

What's a Poor Faith & Values Voter To Do?

If the Foley Congressional scandal doesn't wake up the "Faith & Values" Republican base, then probably nothing will. It is bad enough that Foley exchanged sexually suggestive emails and IMs with underage pages all by itself. Not to mention the compounding fact that last year, Foley said in his capacity as chairman of the Congressional Missing and Exploited Children's Caucus that “we need to completely change the way we treat sex offenders.” (We assumed he was advocating harsher treatment, but in retrospect, maybe not.) But this (and the subsequent actions of other Republicans) need to be viewed in light of the party platform.

This is the party that howled about Clinton's moral fiber and declared him unfit for office based on Monicagate. Where is that moral outrage now? Foley's office has been emphasizing that he's single. Okay, he didn't cheat on his wife, but frankly I'd rather know a guy was cheating on his wife instead of trying to lure my teenage son into sex. Foley's office has also been insisting he's not a pedophile as nothing physically happened between him and the boys. Ummm... dictionary please? A pedophile is an adult who is sexually attracted to children. Foley's a slam dunk anyway you look at it. He should have to have the word tattooed on his forehead. And these are the people who agonized over the definition of "is"!!

Further, aren't the Republicans the ones who find man-on-man sex to be morally debased?? Not that I find the idea of Congressmen preying on my daughters any more appealing, but this does seem hyper-hypocritical.

Moreover, why are some congressional leaders calling for a stop to the Congressional page program altogether? Should we assume this means Congress is admitting it cannot control it's overwhelming lust for minors? What's in the water there? We're talking about children here!

And finally, what's with Tom Reynolds (who allegedly knew months ago that Foley was doing this) holding a press conference which he packed with children? He was clearly using the children as a human shield of sorts to keep reporters from asking any indelicate questions. When reporters asked him to remove the children he refused. When asked why they were there, he simply asserted they were from the community. As if young children frequently drop in on press conferences. How cowardly is it to hide behind children? Isn't this the party who would have you believe that Democrats are the cowards? That only Republicans are tough and courageous enough to fight terrorism? They don't look too courageous right now.

Every day the evidence is mounting that Foley's page-philia was a pretty well known phenomenon, and many (probably not just Republicans)looked the other way. Real men take responsibility for their actions and inactions. Those who would position themselves as our leaders, who would ask us to entrust that they have our interests at heart, that they will protect us, and by implication, our children, need to stand and be accountable. All of them. And if these guys are not willing to fall on their swords, I think it's up to us to give them a little push.