Nicholsclan.com : a dimension of mind...

Never Name Your Quarry

It was just before Christmas, as I was out working in my garage one evening, that a little mouse surprised me by coming out to see what I was doing. We chatted briefly, but he seemed rather shy and scurried back under one of the storage cabinets.

For the rest of that evening and the next several as well, I would see him darting about the garage perimeter doing whatever it is mice do. I hadn't noticed any box chewing or other mouse related damage, and wondered aloud during out frequent "chats" if he was living alone or whether he had plans to start a family. He wasn't very forthcoming. Somewhere along in here I also had the questionable sense to begin referring to him as Wilbur.

Two evenings ago I told Wilbur that it was high time that he packed up and went back outside. I just didn't feel I could trust him to live alone and not go and die someplace inaccessible and stink the place up. But I suspected he really wasn't listening to me.

Yesterday, I set the traps, hoping to nip the mouse-fest in the bud. An hour later, Wilbur was lured by the irresistible power of peanut butter to his untimely demise. A full day later, the reset traps remain empty. Good news in that I really don't have a mouse issue, but I'm now feeling bad that I killed Wilbur. After all, he lived up to his end and was living harmlessly alone. I just couldn't bring myself to trust him. His silence just wasn't convincing.

So I offer this advice as we head into the new year. Communication really is important to relationships. Oh, and never name the thing you intend to hunt - especially if you have a marshmallow interior.

What's Left Behind...

Suzanne Fields makes a point here that we are behind other countries in Math and Science and it is just a disgrace. I agree. I also think this is a logical outcome of our current pedagogical philosophy coupled with recent government plans to "fix things".

In the study Fields references, the U.S. is performing in the top 10 for science and the top 20 for math. That is clearly not a shabby performance. That still puts us in the 90% percentile of nations on the planet. Yet she laments that we didn't "win". Well frankly, we're not trying to. Current trends in education are focusing on the philosophy of "No Child Left Behind". The federal program aside, the idea is clear, we don't want anyone to fail. But what we seem to be losing site of is that not losing is a very different strategy than winning. Looked at statistically, raising the average is not the same as minimizing the deviation. The tools you employ to achieve those goals are different - especially in an arena where resources are finite. And yes, the resources we can pour into education are finite.

There is a Darwinian aspect to life that modern U.S. culture seems unwilling to acknowledge. Life, by it's very nature exists across the full spectrum. And while everyone is created equal under the law, that does not make them equal in ability.

I'm not suggesting that we abandon the intellectually challenged, but in the same spirit that not all kids will be varsity athletes, a start would be to acknowledge that all kids are not great scholars. In the same way that gangly kids still take gym class and play youth soccer, opportunities and encouragement should continue to exist for all students. But does it make sense as a coach to focus on getting the kid picking grass in the goal to play at an average level, or to focus on training your best athletes and hope to inspire some grass pickers along the way?

Until scholarship in general is seen as a good thing; until we elevate exceptional students to the level of exceptional athletes; we will not win the battle for global scholarship excellence. We are a long way from that world. We focus most of our energy on getting the grass pickers to engage. Meanwhile, our stars get ignored and even ostracized for having the audacity to play better than their peers. This is not a strategy to win.

Bush won't "negotiate with himself"

He says he won't "negotiate with himself". I suppose it's at least consistent behavior. He doesn't negotiate with anyone else either.

The Carnival is Back in Town

"Stoopid" Shines All the Way to the Dark Continent

It's one thing to do something stupid in the privacy of your own home, but living in the white house and inviting the press to watch means that your stoopid action gets you coverage all the way to Africa.

What exactly is Bush's message in awarding medals to Bremer, Tennet, and Franks? That loyalty trumps results? This was more than a "recognition of service" award. This was the highest civilian honor Bush could offer. What the hell is he going to do for someone who actually delivers useful results? (It's ironically fortunate that he's unlikely to face that conundrum.)

On the other hand, this is very much in line with how he's positioned his incoming Cabinet. They are fiercely loyal to him above all else. So there is consistency in his giving out these medals. He knows what he likes, and he's rewarding that. But that should make the rest of us afraid.

At the risk of painting with too broad a brush, I feel this is one of the inherent dangers of true evangelicals in leadership positions. Evangelicals, by definition, are followers. Their faith is based on blind trust. They are taught not to question, but to accept. And I think that translates to a tendency to confuse faith and loyalty. If you are loyal to a leader, then you must have faith in him. And that transposes pretty quickly to the blind trust thing.

As an evangelical, results are not really the measure of a person. Intention is, faith is, but not results. You can be a fairly hideous person, but if your faith is strong and your intentions are good, then you will have been saved. And while this can be a spiritually uplifting message to deliver to the great unwashed on a Sunday morning, it's a damn poor foundation for leadership. And I think this is where poor addle-brained Mr. Bush gets so gosh darned confused.

The Physics of Santa

This article was originally published in Spy Magazine in 1990. It refutes the existence of Santa by using the laws of physics. Way back then, I wrote a rebuttal to this article which was posted to several newsgroups. It was then picked up by the San Jose Sun Mercury Times newspaper and published. I thought I'd share the rebuttal...

Yes Deanna, There Is a Santa Claus

I feel it necessary to respond to the attack on the existence of Santa
circulating the net lately. The attack argued using Newtonian physics that Santa couldn't exist given the sheer volume of gifts to be delivered in the time allowed. I find that view myopic.

What if Santa were in fact a time traveler from the 24th century? What if he wound up on our present day Earth by having his shuttlecraft fall through a temporal distortion? (This is a very probable happening as television tells us space is just rife with this sort of plot device.)

Our traveler chose to land and live at the North Pole as he didn't want to risk influencing the present and hence disrupt his own future. But boredom set in as it will, and based on his extensive knowledge of history he decided to bring the myth of Santa to life.

In an effort to look really cool, he gave the shuttle a rag-top conversion and a red paint job and called it his sleigh. The National Geographic photographers in the area bought this, but then they'd been out in the cold for a very long time. "Santa" explained the warp nacelles as magic runners on his sleigh. (After all, as the Paclids say, "They make him go.")

Now, with his Warp 2 capable sleigh he was more than able to visit all the children in one night. Force fields explain away all the heat dissipation difficulties, and the inertial dampers solve all those nasty acceleration problems. (My nephew calls them "inertial dampeners" but I think that's just another name for your bladder.)

Of course he doesn't haul all those toys from the North Pole. He simply replicates them using the on-board matter replicator. This makes more sense than trying to justify how elves make Nintendo cartridges anyway.

I'm not certain of the point of the reindeer. Perhaps they are just 8 plastic lawn ornaments he's using as dashboard clutter. Kind of the 24th century equivalent of the plastic Jesus. I've never really understood geezer-cool anyway.

The only remaining hole is trying to figure out how Santa knows what you want for Christmas. Hmmmm... Well judging by the reported girth of Santa and the well known beard, I might speculate that Santa is really Commander Riker. This could make Counselor Troy Mrs. Claus. With her empathic abilities she could sense whether you've been bad or good and know what to get you in either case. The fact she's only half empath could also explain why sometimes Santa's insight is a little fuzzy and you get socks when what you really wanted was Hot Wheels.

So you see, Santa can exist. He just needs better technology.

Intentions of the Founding Fathers?

So somehow at breakfast this morning the conversation turns to the Declaration of Independence. You know, freedom from tyranny and oppression and all that rot. And Doug, my 4th grader, quips, "Daddy, do you have a Declaration of Independence from being married to our mother?"

"Yes son, I think that's a good way to look at it..."

Former U.S. Marine in Iraq tells Canadian board some comrades became 'psychopaths'

Alert reader Terry sends this story saying it is big news in Canada, but getting very little coverage in the U.S.

It's the first I've heard of this. The Boston Globe seems a pretty reliable source, so I suppose we have to wonder why this hasn't gotten any exposure. It's so unlike the media to roll over to subtle government censorship and all.

Malled In

So the boys and I venture off for a little seasonally appropriate shopping this evening. After 30 minutes of power shopping, the food court beckons. So we get our grub and park our collective carcass at a table upon which rests an innocent looking placard.

While noshing his nuggets, my eldest is studying the calendar on the placard, which shows the mall hours for the month. Now it's important to understand that this is a bright child in the sort of way that gets you beat up on the school bus, but he often finds common sense anything but. So my budding nerd looks up from the card, and points out to his brother and me that the mall is open later at night in the middle of the month, and then goes back to normal hours during the last week.

"Uh huh," I say. "And this mystifies you?"

"Yeah," he replies. "I don't get it."

"Really. You can't think of anything that happens in December which might cause a need for more hours of shopping?"

So he returns to studying the calendar with the earnest intensity of a Gregorian Monk. A few moments later, you can see the light bulb go on.

"Oh yeah! It's the winter solstice."

"Uh huh... listen, you gonna eat all those fries?"

Oops!!

Alert reader Brian, in what may be the most tactful dope-slap ever delivered, offered the following commentary on the Ted Rall article referenced in the previous post:

"This is probably obvious and you probably already know, but I'm going to
say it anyway. You do realize this is an "interpreted" story on Pat Tillman. The parallels were too uncanny for me until I looked at the name. No way that is a coincidence."

In honesty, I missed that. I'll admit Ted Rall is left of Ted Kennedy by the same distance Jerry Falwell is right of Bill Clinton, but I didn't spot this as fictional. Oh well. It's still an interesting perspective. If you'll excuse me, I have to go wipe the egg off my face.

Hero Gives Up Everything to Defend His Country

I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this article, but it is something you should read. Minimally, it's important to realize that physics isn't the only thing which is relative to the observer.

Subway Update

I'm sure you've all been on pins and needles waiting for this...

I received two letters from Subway today. One from corporate and one from the Rochester regional office. Seeing the envelopes made me think they had sent something. You know, coupons or a free sandwich or something. Otherwise, what idiotic company would spend the money to send a letter in response to an email? Not to mention that it's generally considered bad form in the consumer support world to not reply in the same way the contact was made. Obviously the company's profit margins are too damn high if they can afford this. But then, if they were that flush, they could have forked out a coupon, or maybe even invest in some deli meats.

So the bottom line is that both Subway groups are sorry to learn that my order was not what I had expected. The corporate group left it at that. The subtext was possibly that my expectations were unreasonable. The local group did confess that the "correct formula" for my sandwich would have been 6 slices of turkey and four half-slices of cheese. Curiously, they said they apologized for my negative experience and followed by stating that they pride themselves on consistency. I doubt they intended to assert that I should expect my next experience to be consistently negative as well, but that's how it reads.

All in all, I'll be doing my best to avoid Subway in the future. If the goal of consumer relations is cementing customer loyalty, they blew it.

Canada vs. the US

Curious. While we're trying to figure out how to outsource more jobs overseas and bring in truck loads of (formerly) illegal immigrants to do all the work our unemployed are too good for, the Canadians are protecting the job security of every last citizen.

Update on Stuff

Well, it's been a week and there's been no word from Subway. In fairness, they are probably busy. The price of tomatoes has gone nuts lately and they are trying to figure out how to ration those as well. If the lettuce crop goes south, they are in significant danger of just becoming a bakery.

In other news, troop levels will be raised to an all time high in Iraq. Gee, who could have anticipated that? No word on the draft yet. That probably won't happen until they finish packing up Powell and get Condi seated in her new office so she can finalize the Iran plans.

The dollar is plummeting based on concerns about our staggering national debt. Spun one way, this makes our goods cheaper overseas and also lessens the attractiveness of outsourcing. Unfortunately, all of our stuff which is now made or serviced overseas becomes more expensive in America and doesn't change much for the rest of the world. Translation, the dollar's slide is good for wholly American companies who produce wholly domestic product and export it. Other companies (which amount to most of them) are less advantaged by this. It's not remotely clear how more deregulation, tax cuts, and government spending will resolve this, but I know G.W. will stay that course until we're the third world economy he dreams of.